Should I or Should I Not?

Currently, i am having a tiny. not so tiny, maybe tiny, problem. I don't feel like i belong in my group of friends anymore. Not the Ixora gang. They are great. I mean the gang in my own class. Charlotte and they all. When i try to talk with them, the seem to push me away.  don't know if they really are but from my point of view, they really are. I try to talk but they seem to shut me out. Today, i resisted their constant chatting in front of me, i got pissed but i didn't really show it, so i asked Asuka if i could change places with her for the time period. At least I have some peace and i wouldn't hear all the stupid blabbering about the soon to come Hui Lin's farewell party which I am not invited to and never will be because the organizer is Bhanu which is officially a Diana Rodzi hater.  They all planed to go Mid Valley, then Bhanu said Genting. That is crazy no matter how you make it sound. Yeah, it sounds fun, rent a house, the whole group of friends but the plan is just plain crazy.What parent will allow their child to go to GENTING without adult supervision of ANY KIND? No one, not my parents.

So i just emo-ed at Asuka's seat doing my Novel which in my whole life, i actually did the exercise on the same day the teacher gave it. I got a little benefit. But i did some thinking, are they, the gang, actually my friends? Or, are they just using me as my mom always says. I used to think that they are just having time on their own but now the more i think back, the more i think that maybe they ARE using me. When i am in a bad mood, the most is my friends saying, " you emo ah?". Then, i will nod and then they will continue their business. Not continuing tje conversation, but leaving it hanging in the balance. Sometimes I feel like slapping them so hard in the face and yelling, "why arn't you caring? Can't you see I am in a bad mood and needs cheering up?" but i just keep it all bottled inside. Now, i think the bottle is already filled to the brim. I just want to scream like a crazed maniac, let go of all the feelings bottled up inside.

Sometimes, i feel like i am being too desperate for attention. I push myself so that people will take pity of me, so that i could be the center of attention. That method doesn't work anymore. Now, i just choose to be isolated. A lone ranger. To have some private and peaceful time to myself. If it is possible, i want to transfer out of this school fast. I want to get out of here quick. I am going to try begging my mom to transfer me to Aussie and live with Uncle Wayne. I bet it would be even better there. No one knows me, i can have a fresh start.