I feel betrayed

Yes, i am a freaking mess. I talk back. I act all bitch. I over react. I get angry. I throw tantrums. I am rough although i am a girl. I sometimes feel like ripping people's heads off. If i don't resist, i can chew my whole finger off. I use my mouse as a stress ball if i don't find something soft. That is how my mouse got spoiled last time. I torture myself with sad songs to make me feel sad. I feel like banging my head against the wall till my whole skull was shaved off. I want a piano to drop on me from 4 stories above me. I want to become one with the wind, unseen but loved but also feared. I want to dissapeare from the face of this earth, without a trace. I want to drown myself in a pool of water so that people will appreciate my presence for once. I want to die and see how life goes on from above. I want to be whipped for what i have done wrong. I want to be tortured for my wrong doing. I want to feel the pain other people is feeling. I want to be there for everybody but nobody is there for me. I am not appreciated. I am not bothered. I am not loved. I am not me. I am not....