King of Anything

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table

While I look outside

So many things I’d say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man

We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked

So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine

And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning

There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent

Swear you know best

But you expect me to jump up on board with you

And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction

But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps

You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy

While I just hurt and hide

Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

_____________________________________________

Who cares if you disagree? You are not the boss of me. Everybody has rights, both you and me. But all you could think of is if no one follows you, you cannot succeed. That could be true but in my dictionary, being top of everyone is not all important. All you need to do is try your best and people will respect you for that. People might even come up to you for advice, suggestions, help. It all depend on you.

Since in primary school, I have been struggling to be top of everyone. I want to be No. 1 for everything. I want to be appreciated, to be looked up upon, to the the apple of someone's eye. I struggle with my studies but everyone just seems to be stepping on me and left me behind. My father used to say that Life is like a race during sports day. You have to run in order to beat your opponent and win. If you don't make effort to run, you would just be left behind. But if you try with all your might, even if you lose, at least you can tell yourself that you tried your best and there are other people better than you. 

When I entered secondary school, I told myself that if i don't try, I would only be useless to everyone. I don't want people to use me but I just want to be appreciated for once. Everytime I am in a crowd, I would feel alone, in my own world. I would be wondering through the forest. Unable to find my way out. So I figured that if i have a post or be outstanding in some way, people would like me, appreciate my presence. Unfortunatly, that wasn't really working out for me. In my class, I am the so called "Favourite". But in a bad way.  It seems like they constantly mock me, insult me, say things about me. Although they seem harmless but you would be surprised on how much a single world could make a persons world break apart. 

 

Look at me now. I am a librarian. A class punching bag. I used to be AJK of PBSM, and Pencinta Alam. Now I am AJK for Badminton. Yeah it would be good for my co-curricular marks. But my results on the other hand are lousy.  I got 32 in the entire class! The new girl got 2nd in class and the new boy got 23rd in class. For me it would be a miracle that I could get top 30 in the class. Thinking about it. I deserve a higher place in class. By a mere 2 marks i could get 28 in the class. But I don't really think the people above me deserve their marks. I have to admit that I did cheat on the test but I was desprate. But i really don't understand how Emaline could get top in the class. Without her chinese marks,  how could she even be top? She got caught cheating and got an EGG for her Chinese. So how could she even get top? I bet she cheated in her other tests as well. No point ranting about them. Let's remain the past, the past.

I wonder how it would be like, if i left the school without a word? What if i moved to another country and never told anyone but the school authoraties about me leaving? I have always wondered. Will anyone ever mis me? I don't think so. But i can't help myself from wondering. We are human after all. We wonder about things. Wonder about what might have happen if we made a different decision. Wonder what might happen next if you choose the path desired? I wonder about how people would react when they noticed my constant absence. In which i mean me not in school for a month or so? I wonder what ridiculous story they would think of to explain my dissapearence. I wonder what he would think of my absence? Will there be any emotion or he would just accept it and move on without difficulties? I may not know. 

I have some plans for the future but I am not sure on weather they would happen or it is just a backup plan. I would just say it. I am thinking to make this year my last in BU3. Like that I could enter 9th year (pre-high school) programe in Australia. Or maybe i could take my PMR next year and go to high school in Australia's Boarding School. My mom thought that maybe after PMR during the year end school holidays she could ship me off to Melbourne and work at her old colleague's Scuba Diving shop at a remote area. Just to gain some experience. Then I thought that ,maybe i could live with them and go to a school there. Australia's Education is among the best in the world. But with my grades, i don't think i would stand a chance. I though of maybe signing up for a scholorship because the education fee's there are quiet pricey. Over there is is $20,000 here is thrice the amount (i meant the currency) So it would be good to get a scholorship. I could start a new life there. All the bad would be behind me for good. Or will it come and haunt me afterwards? 

Or maybe i should just stay in BU3 until I am form 5, maybe i could be the future Head of the Librarians, go to Prom with y friends, take my SPM and go to university. Then i maybe could transfer to Australia for my final year and be a Vet like I've always wanted. Maybe while I'm at it, I could attend that BRATs workshop that Vivian attended during the school holidays. Or instead of being a Vet, i could take over my dad's business as an IT Consultant. Then i could be looked up to like my dad and my mom.

 The both of them are so independent. From a poor family, they thrive to become the best and look at them now? My mom is a Operation Manager in Aerokleen services serving for MAS Airlines. My dad is an IT Consultant or so he calls himself. He has many big projects around the country. The both of my parents seem like gods in other peoples eyes. They are appreciated and looked up upon. I would love to be them one day. But obviously i am just fantasizing about things. But if i work hard, i might be better than them one day. Who knows? Maybe I could. If only i try hard and keep moving forward. I could achieve my dreams.  Just wait and see. I would be your boss one day. Don't underestimate me. Wait and see. I'll show all of you.