I officially HATE THIS CHIZZ

I seriously hate friday duty. It is hard controlling everybody because i am all buddy buddy with them. I know i am just a stupid immature fucked up mood swing bitch who orders people around okay? Happy? You so angry scold me in the fucking face lah! Since you say i am so fucked up anyway right? RIGHT? You no need to hide lah, i know you all hate me. If i choose, i rather walk out the library and get rapped than stay in that fucking shit of a place. I know respect is suppose to be earned of whatever shit but you all have to understand that I am in charge of you all and if you don't tell me anything and just do whatever you fucking please, just walk out. I can just tell Pn. Tan you all quit. I will be even more happy. HAPPY LIKE THE FUCKED UP SHIT I AM! WALK PUT LAH!

You all don't know, but everytime duty starts, the moment i ask you all to gather in front right? I will hold back my tears. Why? Cause you all won't listen to me. Yah, i am a fucking form 2, you are older than me and you don't deserve to listen to me, well, i don't want to order you around either. Plus, you were being rude. Mother fucker. So fuck off bitch.

I seriously am stupid

You know why i feel stupid? BECAUSE I AM! I believed him and he ditched me. HE FUCKING DITCHED ME! If you don't want to meet up, don't even plan to meet up. I don't care what the heck you excuse is because this is not the first time you ditched me. Well, there was this one time we planned to meet up and you did come to pick me up but you ended goofing off with your friends. Good thing i have a back up plan or not i would be bored as hell. I really wanted to go out with you, you know. If you don't want to then just tell me. You don't have to be nice and agree then ditch me in the end.

This always happen to me. I look forward to one thing and then when the awaited day comes, my hopes come crashing down like some bulldozer raped the Great Wall of China. I predicted that you wouldn't show so i made back up plans. And it is not like you didn't come to school today right? I SAW YOU! Don't you dare lie to me. I already told you, if you ditch me this time i am not going to forgive you. Well, i am not going to forgive you. And i don't think you should layan me either. Even if you beg and cry, even if you sweet talk me, it won't work, because you didn't keep your promise. YOU NEVER DO!

If I am the problem, just tell me that. Yell at me in the face if you want. They say you are such a good big brother. Oh, ha ha. Yeah right. You can't keep a simple promise. Somemore, you can say, "Yeah, we can meet up. I am staying back anyway. I ALWAYS stay back on friday." Well, i went the whole school searching for you. You didn't know that right? And you were suppose to wait for me in the library. Good Brother. MY EFFING ARSE. Prove it to me, then i call you a good brother. You know what i will call you? A lifeless pervert who thinks about nothing else but *censored* And i do NOT take back my words.

My shortest post ever.

HE TEXTED ME FIRST!!!!!!!

I shall end my post.

Rant Time. Ignore it if you want to. Read it if you want to. I don't give a shit.

I seriously don't get it. I made it clear to you already right? Maybe i am the one being stubborn or maybe over protective. Yeah, i want the things i like to belong to me and only me, not anyone else, but me. I am that kind of person. I don't think you know that. I see you walk with other girls, it just makes me feel like targeting an arrow to the back of your head. Okay, i don't think you know what i am talking about now.

The other day, you were all sweet to me and we talked till late at night until i was so tired i slept, with you on he other line. I am terribly sorry for that okay? I really am, just that it is so hard to even text you sometimes. I don't know whether you are ignoring me or what. You never reply. I feel so damn pissed right now. What am i to you? A freaking toy that you play around once a month? Yah, you realized that, you only talk to me once a month. On that day only, then you completely ignore me. I don't think you realized that i feel ditched because you have so many freaking sluts hanging around you. It's fine if you want to call me a slut, bitch, whore, any word you can possibly imagine, call me that.

If you feel that i am annoying you, then tell me so. Just tell me right to the face "I don't want you texting me anymore. I don't want you chatting with me anymore. I don't want you to bother me anymore." Just yell that to me in the face and i will leave you alone. Although my heart will be broken, but at least i know you are happy. Thinking of you being happy is good enough for me.

Revived from the dead?

I think my blog is dead. Dead for too long. At least i think so. Anyways, today something happened. I was excited but then i didn't so much anymore. Why? Because my teachers and fellow school mates killed a goat and 30 cute fat chickens. Yes, i mean what i said. Have a buka puasa later but i am not going. I hate the school at night, so effing dark. Last year, i was outside and they were telling ghost stories. So, to avoid me having nightmares, i decided to skip it and go to tuition. See how good i am? :P And get to sleep till the next day cuz it is a HOLIDAY! byes.

I have a Confession to Make

And, no, not a love confession but a confession about something else. About what club i think is boring and what club is not. I know, it sounds like a boring topic but the heck with it.

First, practically all clubs are boring except those with funny names like YE, Editorial, Japanese, Choir and etc. Okay, maybe they don't sound all that weird but they are awesome clubs. In YE, you get to learn how to make a profit out of things you sell and you get to attend some competitions and stuff. Editorial, is actually a group of people who are in charge of the annual magazine. It sounds fun but from the work my classmates are doing, they don't seem to enjoy it at all. They have to chance after the teachers for name lists and stuff. I think it is a little bit troublesome. I rather just grab hold of a camera and complete my work. At least i enjoy the task that has been given to me.

Choir club, consider it okay because it is also known as the GLEE club. Yes, GLEE. I wanted to audition to join last year but i was lazy plus i don't know what song to sing. Sadly, now the club is like, dead, for some reason. Oh well. And the long awaited moment. JAPANESE CLUB!!!!

I seriously love japanese club. Why? Because, the people are awesome! I joined in for the class yesterday as a one day student. First impression of the teacher or shall i say, sensei, he looks like a freaking pervert but he is awesome! He calls Yun Teng tomato-chan. Cute isn't it? And then we call Denise Kaicho (president) and we call people older than us senpai and the younger people kyouhai (not really but the heck with it.) And the people there are freaking awesome. The senior class is actually for more advanced japanese lessons but we end up playing games. I want to drop by there next week too. It is so much fun! Sooooo joining Japanese club next year. My group is like made out of cosplayers for some reason. 


Okay, someone, please remind me, JOIN JAPANESE CLUB NEXT YEAR! although i know i won't learn a single thing cuz we all would be gila there. JAPANESE CLUB FTW!!

Hello... headache....

Currently in school in ICTL class. Samantha and Asuka are both spamming the computer with k-pop stuff. I don't know why but those stuff bores me. Anyway, today, suppose to have some games later. I invited him to come along but he is having his trials so i don't know whether he will be coming to see me. And the headache strikes back again. GAHH! I don't want to have BM and Agama later. My baby camera is back in my hands (i left it in the science lab on tuesday). Okay, now i sound really random right now.

Currently, i am working on this novel-like story. Short sypnosis. A really popular jock falls for a tomboy. The jock's ex-gf is angry and doesn't aprove of it. (the usual drama) stuff happens, jock finds out why the girl acts all tomboy-ish. He tries to break down her walls of protection. I mixed American drama and Japanese manga/anime together. So it gives that so called 'tha-dump" feeling. Hopefully i won't give up on the story half-way. Working on chapter 3 now.

This is the end of my post.

-THE END-

Confession (Boy's Version)

"Megan! Wait! Where are you going!? STOP!"

The girl of my dreams just confessed and then ran away. I can tell that tears are falling from her eyes. I have to stop her. I have to catch her. I must tell her how i feel. I must. I saw her ran out of the school gate. I saw a car coming her way. I have to stop it. I must!

 

*wheels of car screeching*

It's too late. I see blood flowing from under the car. I pull her body out. The blood stained her pretty dress and cardigan. I was too late. She doesn't know how I feel. It's too late.

____________________________________

"Dude! You alright? Want me to carry your books?" says Mike.

"Yeah, let us help you. Must be hard to carry all those stuff while using those crutches." says Joshua.

Then, i saw her. With her wavy brown hair and her cute top and jeans. Megan Micheal, is the girl i have been crushing on since i entered high school. Three long years, and i still haven't found the guts to confess to her. I'm a senior now, graduating very soon, yet why don't i have the courage to confess to her? Why?

I really want to know more about her. Sadly, we don't talk much. Whenever I want to make the move, my friends will always come and disturb me, as if they know what i was going to do next. I don't think she wants to talk to me either. I bet she would think i am just a player who would only date those stuck up cheerleaders. That is explainable because I am the captain of the football team. We do talk online too but usually it ends with an awkward silence. I am not good with continuing conversations. I think that is why she stops talking to me.

I also text her from time to time but usually i just send those stupid chain texts. I think she is annoyed with it. I bet she doesn't even pass them on anyway. I think she doesn't like me. Why am i so stupid?  Sending something as pathetic as the chain letter texts to her. She must be hating my guts now. I am so stupid!

Yeah, i broke my leg the other day while playing football during gym class. My dad said that a nice girl with nice wavy brown hair gave him directions. I think it was her. She has always been kind to the people around her. Sometimes, she is too kind and that burdens her. I don't like seeing her sad. If only i could tell her how much i care. How great that will be? But i am just a pathetic boy who calls himself a man. Completely pathetic. 

After one week of recovering at home, i finally can go to school. Its a pain not to see her for a single day. I want to know how she puts her hair up. I want to know what shirt she is wearing. I want to see her laughing. But,  I can do all of that at a distance and i have been only doing it at a distance. In class, i can't keep the image of her out of my mind. I will stare at her from behind during world history. I wonder how she makes her hair looks so nice without doing much to it? If only she was mine, then i could be with her every single minute of the day. Admiring her.

Fridays are the days where i stay back for band practice. Usually there will be a group of girls always being our "audience". Sadly, i never see her around. I will have a few glances at the group of girls, in case she comes to watch, but she never does. Looks like she really hates me after all. Some of the girls in that "audience" are the one that annoys me a lot. It is just that they always stick to me as if i am their best friend or something. It really annoys me. 

Finally, band practice is over. My fingers hurt from all that playing. Usually, i would walk around the halls to kill some time before I head back home. The halls are much more calmer after school hours. There is less drama, less mayhem. Then I saw her, right before my eyes. I see something in her hand. I wonder what that is. She started talking.

"Erm, hi." 

"Hi! It's been a while since i saw you. How have you been?"

"Err... I've been okay."

"Hey, what do you have there? Can i see it?"

"Uh, actually, its for you."

"Me? Why, you shouldn't have."

"Here. "

On the card read: Although you already got better, just take it alright? :) Get well soon and be your usual cheerful self. :) I think you need a big hug:) All Smiles :D From Annonymouse. Just kidding, It's Megan. :)

"Cute card! But you shouldn't have. Hey what's wrong?"

I don't know what was wrong. Her head was hung low, i see a tear drop. I wanted to cheer her up so bad. I don't want the person i like to cry. That is just inhumane. So, without warning,i gave her a hug. My crush of 3 years, i have her in my arm. Finally, i feel like i m protecting her. I feel my sleeve getting damp. 

 

"I think you need the hug more than i do. So, cherish it okay? Don't cry."

"I have something to tell you." she said, while sobbing.

"I liked you since i entered high school. I know i am not a good enough girl for you. I know you prefer those pretty, popular cheerleader girls than me, any day. You don't have to worry about me. Just ignore it. You can throw the card if you want to. Just forget about me." She blabbered.

Then, she started running down the hall. She just confessed to me. I thought she hated me. I thought she takes me as a big jerk. I have to tell her how i feel about her. I can' let her go. Not again. I really like her, no, i really LOVE her. I must tell her. I must tell her how i feel or not i wouldn't forgive myself. 

She pushed he doors of the hallway open. She just kept on running. I have to keep up with her. I have to let her know my feelings towards her. I have to. She ran past the gates of the school. I saw a car. It's gonna hit her. I have to save her. I have to protect her! 

*wheels of car screeching*

It's too late. I stood there, like a statue. Sihe got hit. I didn't protect her. I didn't confess to her. I was too late. Her body lies in my lap. I closed her eye lids. Her now cold body, in my arms. Her blood staining my clothes. I lost her. I lost her forever. She doesn't know how i feel. I was too late. I started crying, knowing that she will never come back. 

The driver of the car came out in shock. He then pulled out his phone and called an ambulance. It arrived in a very short time, but they can't save her. Not me, not the driver, not the nurses, not the doctors. She is already gone. Her soul has already left this earth. I was too late....   

Stereo Hearts

[Adam Levine]
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

[Travie McCoy]
If I was just another dusty record on the shelf
Will you blow me off and play me like everybody else
If I ask you to scratch my back, could you manage that
Like it read well, check it Travie, I can handle that
Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks
It's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracks
I used to used to used to used to, now I’m over that
Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifacts

If I could only find a note to make you understand
I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand
Keep it stuck your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart is a stereo that only plays for you

[Chorus]
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo

[Travie McCoy]
If I was an old-school, fifty pound boombox
Would you hold me on your shoulder, wherever you walk
Would you turn my volume up in front of the cops
And crank it higher everytime they told you to stop
And all I ask is that you don't get mad at me
When you have to purchase mad D batteries
Appreciate every mixtape your friends make
You never know we come and go like we're on the interstate

I think finally found a note to make you understand
If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand
Keep myself inside your head, like your favorite tune
And know my heart is a stereo that only plays for you

[Chorus]
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo

[Bridge]
I only pray you never leave me behind (Never leave me)
Because good music can be so hard to find (So hard to find)
I take your hand and pull it closer to mine
Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind

[Chorus]
My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note

Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo

Oh oh oh oh To my stereo
Oh oh oh oh So sing along to my stereo 

Confession (Girl's Version)

"Megan! Wait! Where are you going!? STOP!"

There i was, running as if i were as light as a feather. Running, without caring what was in my way. I just kept running. I didn't even know he was calling out my name. I didn't realize that tears were flowing down my cheek, like an endless river. I reached the front gate of the school, wanting to cross the road but i forgot to check for oncoming vehicles.

*wheels of a car screeching*

I felt a sharp pain in my spine. I just saw myself under a vehicle. I think i got hit. I don't know. The pain is slowly fading. I don't feel anything anymore. I saw an image of a person above me. I feel a little damp on my clothes and i heard a distant sound of someone screaming. I don't know. It was all a blur.

I saw myself lying there, in a pool of blood. And there he stood, sitting beside my bloody body, crying. I was dead.

________________________________

"I hope he's okay. He broke both his arm and leg in the accident. Double Whammy!" says Ashley.

"Yeah, he's a really good guy you know. I hope he's alright," replies Britney.

I just stood there as the conversation continues. I, Megan Michael, is in love with him. He is the person i have been crushing for since the moment i entered high school and now i am a senior, graduating very soon. Too soon. And I, as the pathetic girl I am, have yet to confess to the guy i have been drooling for since 3 years ago. 

Me and him, we don't talk much. We just chatted online and just have a quick "Hi" every now and then. But we never had a real conversation. Even the conversations online stops with an awkward pause. He texts me every now and then, but usually when i see the text's, it is usually those annoying chain letter texts which gets on your nerves but i still send them anyway, because it was from him and i don't want to "hurt" his feelings. Pathetic isn't it? I know he doesn't see me as a girl but as a friend he talks to occasionally.

Yeah, he broke his leg a few days ago. When i saw him on a wheelchair and being taken home by his dad, i was shocked, i froze the moment i saw him in that state. The moment i arrived home, i made a Get Well Soon card which i know will never be given to him, because we hardly bump into each other. This is just stupid. Why did i make the card? I already know i wouldn't have the chance to give it to him. But, why am i still making it? I should just throw everything into the trash bin but why am I still making it?

He finally came to school after 1 week recovering at home. In my mind, were scenarios i created before going to bed, of me meeting him. They kept on replaying. Why wouldn't my mind stop? Why wouldn't i just forget about him? Why can't my mind stop flashing the image of his face during class? It is really distracting.

After the images stop, the little moments of him laughing in a distance comes on. His warm, charming smile, melts me every time. If only his smile only belongs to me. How great that will be.

The days of the week pass by slowly. Finally, Friday has come. The day where he would have band practice and i could watch but, as always, at a distance. I will silently watch him. Silently laugh from his silly antics. My eyes glued to him. When he looks around, for some reason, i would hide. I don't want him to think of me as a stalker. That would ruin the relationship that we already had. But why would i care? He doesn't see me as a "best friend". There is no point worrying right? Yet, i still watch him silently and hide when he turns around.

After band practice, usually, he would walk around to kill some time as he goes home late. I finally found the opportunity to give him the belated "get well soon" card. After i am done with that procedure, i will try my best to forget every single detail of him. His smile, the way he laughs, the way he walks, the way he is nice to everybody,they way he never leaves anyone out of the loop, everyone except me.

There he is, standing there with his back pack hanging on one shoulder and eyes glued to his cell phone. I gathered up all of the courage that i have and take a step forward. With the card in my hand, i took another step forward. One after another. I took slow steps until i was close enough to him to give him the card and leave. Then, it will all be over. Over for good.

"Erm, hi."

"Hi! It's been a while since i saw you. How have you been?"

"Err... I've been okay."

"Hey, what do you have there? Can i see it?"

"Uh, actually, its for you."

"Me? Why, you shouldn't have."

"Here. "

On the card read: Although you already got better, just take it alright? :) Get well soon and be your usual cheerful self. :) I think you need a big hug:) All Smiles :D From Annonymouse. Just kidding, It's Megan. :)

"Cute card! But you shouldn't have. Hey what's wrong?"

I kept my head low, eyes pinned to the ground. I just didn't want him to see me like this.

"Are you crying? Don't cry."

Then, at that moment, he hugged me. I didn't know what to do. My crush of 3 years is hugging me right now. In the hallway, with the lockers, the trophy casses, and just the both of us. My tears started flowing out.

"I think you need the hug more than i do. So, cherish it okay? Don't cry."

"I have something to tell you." I said, while sobbing.

"I liked you since i entered high school. I know i am not a good enough girl for you. I know you prefer those pretty, popular cheerleader girls than me, any day. You don't have to worry about me. Just ignore it. You can throw the card if you want to. Just forget about me." I blabbered.

I then ran through the hallway, with tears in my eyes, and all the thoughts of him came rushing through my mind. I really like him. No, I really LOVE him. Bu i know he doesn't love me back. There is no possible way he would like me. There is no way. 

I pushed open the doors of the hallway and ran through the school compound. I didn't know he was chasing me. I was in my own world. I just want to run away. Run away from this terrible, unfair world but it still seems like heaven enough for me. I ran across the road. I didn't know what was coming. An that marks the end of me. At least i confessed the the guy i like. After 3 long years.

The Time has come

Time to..... puasa (fast). Another month to go until i celebrate Hari Raya! YAY! I already got my baju now all that is left is for one month to pass.

When it is time to fast, i have mixed feelings. Why? Because, you get to be skinny but on the other hand, i get tempted. But the one thing from being tempted is when people offer you food and then they realized that i am fasting then they give this "OMG I FORGOT!" and then they start apologizing all the way. It is somehow, amusing in a way but people are not considerate, maybe they did it intentionally or they just forgot. Sue Min and Joyce were eating fried chicken and it smells so good.  Then samantha offered me biscuits. She drank water in front of me then showed off the curve bottle, realizing i am fasting and ran away. Hui Lin was talking about how the next episode of heartstrings is going to be filmed at Baskin Robins, then she freaked out and apologized, charlotte said she smelled food. Once again, Hui Lin, this time, she was complaining she was hungry. Then, today in the car, May-Li offered me some Cheezels then realizing, then she started to scream.

I love their expressions. It is so funny, i just can't help but laugh, although it involves food. Anyway, this is just a short post so don't bother about me writing it long. I'll write the story of my PSS Annual Dinner in the next post.