Perfect

I fell in love with this song once i heard it. It has a nice melody and very meaningful lyrics. Just watch the video lah. And sing along if you know the words... lalala~~~

Made a wrong turn, once or twice 
Dug my way out, blood and fire 
Bad decisions, that's alright 
Welcome to my silly life 
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood 
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down 
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated 
Look, I'm still around 

I love this line of the song as it says EXACTLY how i feel. This is why i say music is my life. It describes every little detail of my time of day. Every last one. 

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If your read my 11 January post, then you should know i mentioned about me explaining on why i do am racist to my own kind. If any orang melayu is reading this, don't feel offended. I only hate the ones in my school. And don't go reporting this to the police either. I am just writing about my love and hate that's all. No hard feelings k? Here we go...

Since i was young, i grew up surrounded by chinese. When i went to Primary School, I went to a Chinese Educated School. So that means, surrounded by chinese. In kindergarden i mingled with all races. When i rose to Primary, i only mixed with chinese because they spoke english (english is my key language). I don't talk to malays as they talk Bahasa Melayu. My BM wasn't that good then. When i went to agama (it is like church but for Islams), i am always the one who ends up left behind and alone. All the malays teased me and make fun of me. As you can see, i was bulied alot when i was young as i am "different". Vivian always say, "You laugh at me because I'm different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same!" I like the way she says it.

In primary school, I kinda resisted the urge to scream and say enough. Now I am in secondary school. My secondary school is 80% chinese. All students that come from a chinese school needs to take chinese. I thought i need to take it but chinese lesson is during my agama. For malay's, it is a must to take agama as it is our religion. I am in 2 Mawar, only 2 malays left in the class. Last year 1 Mawar has 3 malays. My friend Natalia went to a boarding school out of the state. Only me and Nazifa. Nazifa also came from the same primary school as me, so she also speaks chinese. But she is the person who mixes with her own kind. Now, I have agama in the IRC room (meeting room) as there are proper chairs and tables there which makes writing notes easier. 

When i is time for Agama class, we all had to fight for a place to sit as there are not enough chairs. When i enter the IRC, there are plenty of seats but people booked them all for their friends. I on the other hand have no friends at all. I have Amelia and Nazifa but they have their own gang, Nazifa has Kesiah, Shaz, and Azima. Amelia has Farah, Farra, Nabo.... many other people. Automaticly, they book places for their friends. When i ask "hey, can i sit here?" They always answer "There is someone sitting here." So i always had to fight for a chair and a partner to sit with. I HATE IT! I HAVE NO FRIENDS AT ALL! when teacher is not teaching, i have no one to talk to, i have to one to compare notes with, i have no one to poke when i'm bored. I HAVE NO ONE! 

I ranted about it on Facebook. Amelia commented to take pity. She said "Don't be sad, I'll sit with you." YEAH RIGHT! She is too busy hanging with the people she call bitches herself. Me? I am left there like i am yesterdays meatloaf. Today i ended up sitting at the very end of the classroom. I can't hear what the teacher is saying! I can't even see the notes written on the white board. When i was sitting at the back, I kept repeating "I need to get a transfer slip out of this class." But then i thought "This is not America! I CAN'T GET OUT OF ANY CLASS EVEN IF I WANTED TO!" I hate this shits. I can't wait till Form 4 and i finally get out of this school and go to Australia (if... but i want to!) I hate this. I DON'T FIT IN! I only get along with Chinese. In my brain, Malays are automatic become the word "bitches" "back-stabbers" "bullies" "big mouthed"  I know, why do i hate my own kind? Does that mean i hate myself? 

Not really. I just don't like the way they act. I love my religion. It IS the most beautiful religion of all. I don't like the way they act, move, talk ect. They act like they are "perfect" "flawless" For your information, not everything is flawless. Behind those walls lies many scars. So don't think you are all that. I am done with my rant now. You can schold me in school or whatever you want. My mind won't change. Unless something big like all the malays of BU3 came to my class and fight just to apologise to all the hurt you have caused me. Then i'll reconsider. But for the time being, I am still gonna be on the Chinese side of the fence. Malays shoo! get out of my lawn XD seriously... get out OF MY LIFE!